


The Letters and Legacy of Lena Luthor

by DramaQueen14



Series: WIPs [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: A lots of Flashbacks, All Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Different perspectives but mostly Kara's, F/F, It's an AU, Lena is dead in this, Past Supercorp, Sorry Not Sorry, so many feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-10-18 10:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaQueen14/pseuds/DramaQueen14
Summary: It's been five years since Kara Danvers has heard from Lena Luthor. When she does it's nothing good. And it all started with a letter and a plane ticket.





	1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Kara Danvers had not expected her day to take a turn for the worse. She had come home from work and picked her mail on the way to the elevator. It was a bigger stack than usual and she flipped through them to see who they were from. It was mostly junk mail, the bills, a few letters from Lucy Lane. . . and when she do land on the piece of mail that will change her life, she's in her apartment. This piece of mail came from Ireland and from a woman name Tanaya Baker. Kara frowned slightly and opened the mail, curious of its content. As she unfolded the letter a single plane ticket fell out.

 _"What in the world?"_ Kara muttered as she picked up the ticket.

A ticket to Ireland.

She looked back at the letter and read through it before dropping it.

Lena Luthor was dead.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Mistakes are mine

**Chapter 1**

" _Stay still!"_

" _I am!"_

 _Kara wrinkled her nose causing Lena to laugh. Her smile bright and happy and_ alive.

" _Or I would be still if you stop making faces at me."_

" _I am not!"_

" _Liar!"_

* * *

"Alex, Lena's gone." Kara blurted out as soon as Alex answers.

" _What?"_ Alex asked, confused and concern.

"Lena died, she's dead," Kara said, her voice broken.

" _Wait, how?"_

"How what? How she died or how did I find out? If you're talking about the latter, a woman name Tanaya Baker send me a letter. The how she died, I wasn't informed. ' _Better to tell me in person_.'" Kara let out a choked laugh. "It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around all of this."

" _Okay, well, Kar breathe and I will be there as fast as I can. Okay?"_

Kara nodded at first before she whispered out. "Okay." 

She hung up and looked back at the letter.

_Dear Kara Danvers,_

_I wish that we could have met on better circumstances. Alas, that can not be the case. Just last Tuesday, Lena passed away. I would like to tell in person, it's better that way. I can't express enough how sorry I am the bearer of bad news and how sorry of your loss. Hopefully, you'll be able to make it to the funeral this Saturday._

_Lena talked a great deal about you and how she regretted walking out on you. She had every intention of coming back but you know how that goes. She's left a lot of her possessions to you and that'll be here for you to receive. It doesn't matter to me one way or another if you keep them or give them away, well there's one thing but you'll see when you get here._

_If you do._

_I dearly hope that you do come._

_~Tanaya Baker_

The ink on the paper smeared as a few drop of Kara's tears splattered on the paper. If she really had every intention of coming back what stopped her? Why in those five years had Lena never bothered to pick up a phone? Why didn't she [write a letter](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=2/#)? Why didn't she email her? What was stopping Lena from reaching out to her, if she had every intention of coming back? Five years was plenty of time.

Kara let out a shaky breath before the tightness in her chest loosens up and she started bawling. Deep, ugly sobs escaped her throat as she curled up into a ball.

"Why, why, whywhywhy. . ." Kara screamed.

And all the memories of Lena, that Kara never really forgotten about, came rushing back. Her laugh, her smile, the way her eyes lit up when Kara came around, the way she ran a hand through her hair when she was thinking or nervous, the way her eyebrow twitched at an inside joke or when she was feeling particularly smug at something, Lena. . . _Lena_. . .

Her heart hurt, it felt like it was breaking, and she couldn't do anything to stop it. One of her hand clutched at her chest as tears [streamed](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=2/#) down her face and she let out another heart-wrenching sob. Kara didn't know how long she was on the floor but she suddenly felt somebody's arms around her, rocking her and whispering a lullaby in her ear that assured her it was Alex.

"Kara you got to breathe," Alex said. "You're turning red."

Kara took a deep breath that she immediately let go of as a new rack of tears hit her. There was longer pause as Kara gasped at the lack of air before she sobbed again not leaving enough room for her to breathe.

"Kara, _breathe_ ," Alex said firmly, and Kara did.

Alex repeated the command over and over again until Kara was no longer struggling for a breath. Kara let out a small whimper as a headache started to form, pounding furiously on all sides. She felt unnatural hot and sweaty and her hands shook as she tightens her grip around Alex. She coughed a couple of times before she whipped her face.

"I have a headache." Kara [sniffed](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=2/#).

"Well, that's what happen when you try to cry yourself to death," Alex joked, weakly. "Take an aspirin and a nap and I'll have food for you."

"I won't be hungry," Kara muttered as Alex helped her up.

"We'll see what your stomach says."

She dreamed of Lena.

* * *

When Kara woke up, the smell of potstickers and pizza filled her nose and her stomach rumbled. She sighed and got off bed to find Alex by the counter drinking a cup of coffee as she looked through her phone. Kara cleared her throat and Alex looked up and gave her a half smile.

"Hello, there sleepyhead, feeling any better?"

"I still feel like crap but better than before."

"Progress." Alex hummed her understanding. "Got you some potstickers and pizza _and_ donuts."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Kara sat down beside Alex and slowly ate the potstickers and slices of pizza as she tried her hardest to get rid of the sound of Lena's haunting laugh. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes and blinked them way as she breathes deeply in and out of her nose. It's been five years and yet, somehow, Lena still managed to affect Kara's life.

"I'm going to the funeral," Kara announced as she grabbed a donut.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kara nodded firmly. "Yes, I want a proper goodbye. I want an explanation. I-I need to get pass this and maybe this might do it?"

"Do you want me to come with?"

Kara paused for a moment before reaching for two donuts and polishing them off, before eating two pizzas. Finally, she shook her head and turned to look her sister in the eye.

"I want to do this on my own."

Alex nod once and pat Kara on the back. "Alright, Okay. If that's what you want, remember that I'm going to only be one phone call away."

"Thanks."

 

 


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.

**Chapter 2**

_Kara heard the door being opened and closed as she cooked dinner which was chicken and rice. She smiled slightly as she heard Lena's high heels skid across the floor as she kicked them off. Her girlfriend then walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her waist before kissing her on the cheek._

" _How was your day?" Kara asked as she turned her head and kissed Lena on the lips._

" _Exhausting and yours?"_

" _Equally exhausting."_

* * *

Kara blinked once and yawned as the pilot informs the passengers how much longer they'll touch down. She looked out the window at the blue skies, and fluffy white clouds.

* * *

" _I hate flying." Lena admitted._

_She laid her head on Kara's shoulder and intertwined their hands together. Kara lifted their hands up to her lips and kissed Lena's knuckles. Lena gave her a small smile and closed her eyes._

" _I know that it's statistically the safest way to travel but still. . ."_

" _It's fine Lee, I'll be here every step of the way. You can squeeze my hand if you ever get too scared."_

_Lena let out a small laugh. "You're too good to me."_

* * *

Kara sighed as she looked away from the window and straight ahead. In less than twenty-four hours her world was crumbling around and she didn't have a clue as to why. Why did Lena leave? Why did she never come back? How did she die? The [questions](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=3/#) kept building and building and Kara hoped that she got an answer for most of them. She back in her seat and rotated her shoulders to get rid of the discomfort. Another question popped into her mind, what possessions did Lena leave behind?

Kara rubbed her forehead and sighed loudly as she reached into her pocket for the letter. It had Tanaya's address and possibly all the answers that Kara could possibly ask for.

Of course, Lena would go to Ireland if she was given the choice. It was where she was born after all before she was adopted by the Luthors. How convenient, how true to her word Lena had been when she said that she would like the last place she visited was to be Ireland.

* * *

" _Even after I had become of age and earned my inherited money from the Luthors, I never really left the states. Lex traveled the world, wanted me to come too but yet somehow I couldn't find myself to leave. It didn't feel right to leave. That and, of course, I hate flying. But I'll swallow that fear to go to Ireland, where I was born. It only makes sense, to me anyways, to go there before I die. It's the last place I want to be at. I'm sorry, this conversation has gotten morbid."_

_They were laying in bed cuddling. Lena was absent-mindedly running her hand across Kara's cheek repeatedly lost in thought. Her face expression unreadable and Kara frown slightly._

" _No, I get it. To see where[you were born](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=3/#), a place that you call home-"_

" _No, you're my home." Lena interrupted, her unreadable expression gone._

_The green-eyed beauty smile as she cupped the blonde's face. "Any place without you wouldn't be considered a home."_

* * *

Kara grabbed her suitcase and headed to the outside of the airport. She hailed a cab and gave him Tanaya's address. The cab driver noted the length of the drive and Kara just shrugged not knowing how to comment. The ride was quiet except for the wheels crunching against the pavement and rocks and the hum of the cab speeding by. Kara looked out the window not really seeing the scenery and laid her head against the cold window. Her reflection showed her frowning, her eyes upset, lost in thought, confused, and her eyebrows were knitted together causing her infamous crinkle.

The closer that she got to Tanaya's house the more she felt nervous, anxious about what awaited. There was something in her gut that was telling her, there was more to the puzzle. Something happened five years ago for Lena to leave the way she did and to never return. What that was Kara wasn't sure. Lena had never been the one to back down from anything, she was too stubborn to do so. So it had to be bad. Whatever it is.

The [cab driver](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=3/#) dropped Kara off at Valleymount, in County Wicklow, the first house on the right. From where she stood she could see lush hills, cascading waterfalls, and the far distant a few glassy lakes that seemed to twinkle under the sunlight. This is what Lena left for, this beautiful sight of nature. What had Lena done here those five years? What was her day to day activities? Her job? Kara felt the tears coming again before she shook them off and took a deep breath. She was only here for a couple of days. To look through all the things that Lena left her and to go to the funeral, then she would be gone. Flying back to America and finally closing this chapter in her life.

Kara walked to the door and knocked on it, her heart was pounding her and the nerves tighten in her stomach. She heard muffled footsteps and muffled voice and then the doorknob was turning. When the door opened Kara had to look down and she felt her breath being stolen.

As she stared into a little boy's green eyes that looked identical to Lena's.

* * *

" _Would you want to adopt or sperm donor, if you know, you wanted to have kids?" Lena asked offhandedly as she read her book._

_Kara looked up from her laptop. "Do you want kids?"_

_Lena shrugged. "I don't know, I thought about it. Especially after Maggie and Alex adopted Xavier. I like the thought of little feet running around causing us trouble. That's unless you're okay with it?"_

" _Of course, I am! That would be great."_

" _We'll have to talk about how this will fit in our[schedule](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=3/#), the names, if we want to adopt or you know, get a sperm donor, there's more but I'm too excited and nervous to think of anything else," Lena said smiling brightly._

_Kara smiled too as she crawled over to her girlfriend and kissed her lips repeatedly._

_All this happening seven weeks prior to Lena's leaving._

Tanaya was an [older woman](https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=12442834&chapter=3/#) with jet black hair that had strains of silver gray to them, her eyes were a dull gray, she had high cheekbones and a beauty mark on her chin. She was wringing her hands nervously as Kara slowly eased herself to the couch in the living room, the shock of her discovery still having a hold on her.

_It doesn't matter to me one way or another if you decide to keep them or give them away, well there's one thing._

_Well, there's one thing._

* * *

"How old is he? What is his name?" Kara asked.

Her ears felt clogged like they were filled with water, her breathing was slightly irregular, panicked even, her heart seemed to beat slowly.

"His name is Erik Alexander Luthor and he's five years old."

_Five years old._

_Is this why Lena left?_

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Luthor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Mistakes are mine.

**Chapter 3**

" _Mam!"_

" _Yes, Erik?"_

" _Guess what we did at school today."_

" _What?"_

" _We drew pictures of our family and come look!"_

_Lena shook her head with a smile and turned her head to see her son dropping off his backpack and waving the picture around. He jumped into her arms before he handed it to her. Erik wrapped his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist. There was four people in the picture, Lena, Erik, Tanaya and-_

" _Who's that?" Lena asked._

" _Kara!"_

_The picture fell out of Lena's hand and Erik looked up in concern. Lena had gone pale._

" _Mam, what's wrong?"_

" _Nothing, sweetie, why don't you do your homework while I cook?"_

* * *

Erik knew more than people thought he did. Just because he was five years old they didn't think that he would understand situations that adults did but his Mam made sure that he did. It's better to figure out things for yourself then people interpreting things for you. He knew that his mother was gone, she had told him beforehand.

* * *

_The doctor opened the door for Erik and the young boy immediately jumped into the hospital bed with his Mam. He rested his head in the crook of his Mam's neck, his arms hugging her sides. She pulled her son closer to her. They were quiet for a moment as Lena ran her hand through his hair and kissed him on his forehead._

" _Mam?"_

" _Hm?"_

" _Are you going to be okay?"_

_Lena took a shaky breath and shook her head._

" _No, I'm not."_

" _Can I help you get better?"_

" _No, not this time," Lena said her voice cracking. "Erik, look at me."_

_Erik refused for a moment until he felt Lena's hand under his chin, slowly turning his head so they were looking into each other's eyes. Identical green eyes stared at each other, Lena's being filled with unshed tears and Erik's filled with concern and confusion._

" _I'm not going to get better, there's nothing the doctors can do. . ."_

" _You're leaving me?" Erik asked with wide eyes._

" _Not by choice, sweetie,_ not _by choice," Lena said quietly_

" _But why? What's wrong? Why can't the doctors help you."_

" _I have Coronary artery disease which is just a big word for heart disease. I was born with it and there's a list of people that have the same problem. I, unfortunately, am not high enough on the list to get another heart."_

" _Can't I just come with you?"_

_Lena shook her head again. "You can't come with me. I'm- Erik, do you remember Theodore?"_

_Erik remembered the Welsh Sheepdog that all the kids used to play with after school. He nodded slowly not liking where this was going._

" _He went to Heaven," Erik said._

" _Well, that's where I'm going too," Lena said quietly._

_It only took a moment before Erik realized what she meant. He immediately burst into tears and laid his head back in the crook of her neck, holding her as tight he could._

" _Oh, please don't cry. You'll make your Mam cry." Lena said, her tears already falling._

_She pulled him even closer and rested her head on of his and they cried silently._

* * *

Erik stayed at the far end of the room as he observed Kara Danvers. She looked the same as she did in all the pictures that his Mam had of her. Down to the glasses but somehow she looked older, more tired like his Mam was when he last saw her. He hesitated going over there and to hug her, try to comfort her in some way. But she did just find out that he existed. Kara took off her glasses and cleaned them before putting them back on and turning her attention to Erik.

Erik took a step back and put his hands behind his back looking at her shyly. She forced a smile and beckoned him to come to her.

"I'm Kara Danvers."

"I know, Mam talked a lot about you."


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Kara's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.

**Chapter 4**

" _I swear to God, Kara, if you take the last potsticker. . ."_

" _You'll what?"_

" _I'll, I'll withhold sex from you!"_

" _Isn't that a little extreme?"_

" _This is a very serious matter."_

* * *

Kara took the time to study the little boy as he slowly made his way towards her. He had Lena's green eyes but the shape of them was smaller than Lena's wide shaped one but he had thick eyelashes like hers. His lips didn't come from Lena, whose lips were fuller. Erik had a slight tan whilst Lena was pale. His hair was short and was a dark brown like Lena's. Overall there was something vaguely familiar about him besides the fact that his mother was Lena Luthor.

"She did, didn't she?" Kara said.

He nodded. "And there's a lot of pictures of you and her, at the house. We can go over there if you like."

Kara thought it over before she nodded. "Sure, I don't see why not."

Erik gave her a shy smile that struck Kara like _deja vu_ like she seen that smile before, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She looked up at Tanaya, who was looking at her and the boy before the woman left the room to assuming get the key. Kara turned back to Erik and bit her lip as she thought of something to say. Maybe this was why Lena decided to stay, she had a child and she was comfortable here. She might have missed her old life but was Kara even enough for her to come back? Kara would never know.

"When's your birthday Erik?" Kara asked.

"February 4th. When's your birthday?"

"March 16th."

"Here's the key to Lena's house," Tanaya said, suddenly standing over Kara.

Kara looked up at her and gave her a smile as she took the keys from her. She got up from her seat and Erik immediately head to the door.

"It's right next to _aintín_ Tanaya's house." Erik explained as he opened the door.

Kara nodded to herself and sped walked after the boy. He turned to the left to the house right next to Tanaya's and looked at Kara expectantly to open the door. She fumbled with the keys for a second before she managed to put it in the keyhole and turn the knob. Erik turned on the lights for her and Kara breath was stolen from her.

It smelled like plumerias and lemons and a hint of rosemary, Lena's scent. The walls were a light blue that seemed to have a golden light to it. The living room, the first room you see, had a black glass coffee table in the middle laying on top of a black and blue carpet. The couch and the chair were blue while the pillows sitting on them were black and gray, across from this was a flat screen table. Adjacent to the living room was the jointed kitchen and dining room. The cabinets and cupboards were gray and black. The refrigerator was next to the stove and besides the stove was a small space then the sink, beside the sink was a microwave and then the countertop. The dining room was the simple table with three chairs.

Erik took Kara's hand and led her down a short hallway that had four doors, two on the right and two on the left. The little boy pointed to the first down on the left and said that it was the bathroom before pushing open the door. It was bigger than Kara expected; it had a double-wide mirror and an equally long bathroom counter. One side of the counter was a stepstool and a Superman toothbrush in a Batman Cup and a Marvel's superhero mouthwash, the mirror on this side filled with stickers of superheroes. On the other side were a simple black toothbrush and a simple black cup and a generic brand of mouthwash, the mirror on this side filled with black swirl designs.

The boy then led her to his room. The room was a navy blue and over his bed is Superman and Supergirl's symbols together and across the wall is Wonderwoman and Batman's symbol, and the adjacent walls have a line of small symbols of superheroes leading up to them. Erik's room is neat for a boy of five years, with a basketball and a soccer ball on top of his toy box that is at the foot of his bed. He has two bookcases that were on either side of the bed, one had millions of comic books and the other had fairytales and children's stories. He then leaves the room and goes to the door opposite of his.

Inside is a manmade tent. A single sheet that was hooked up to the ceiling, inside it is two pillows and a lamp in the certain of it. It's where they laid in and close the door and turn on the lamp, that shows a hologram sky every time it was too cloudy to see it in real life. Erik asked if she wanted to see how it was like but Kara shook her head, there was something so invasive to her to lay down in Lena's spot without her permission. The boy nods once and they stand there for a moment and it's there that she realized they have one more place to go to.

Lena's bedroom.

There was something so final in it, to not have Lena there to tell them if it's okay for them to go in there. To not have her waiting for them on the other side of the door. Kara glanced down at Erik who had his head down and his shoulders slumped. She may have lost the love of her life, _again_ but he had lost his mother. Neither will ever have their names being called by her, to hear her laughter up close, to see that blinding smile, to feel her hug them again, to know that when they wake up she'll still be there. Valentine's Day and June 26th will never quite be the same for Kara anymore, she won't wake up to the smell of breakfast that Lena cooked for her or be able to treat Lena to a movie or a small vacation. Mother's Day and February 4th will always have underlying of melancholy because Lena won't be there to pull Erik in the tightest hug and gush over 'her baby boy.'

May 7th will always be a pain in the ass for them both. Each year being the anniversary of her death nailing the coffin and forcing them to face reality. The slip-ups of almost calling for her before the hurt hits them all at once, reminding them that Lena was _gone._ Lena was _dead_. Those days when they thought they got over it until they proved that they weren't.

So Kara put a hand on the boy's shoulder and said.

"How about you show me around?"


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_It was those rare times where Kara woke up earlier than Lena. Where Lena rested her head in the crook of her neck and had her arms wrapped around Kara's torso and her legs intertwined with Kara's. The sunlight hit the bedroom at such an angle that it seemed to light up the room. Lena looked so peaceful with a slight smile on her face. Kara traced Lena's lips with her free hand before she leaned in and kissed Lena softly. The other woman hummed in approval and slowly opened her eyes._

" _Did I wake you?"_

" _No, I'm a light sleeper." Lena yawned stretching._

_She looked around and got out of bed heading towards the window. Lena opened the curtains seeming to be engulfed by the golden light. Kara sat up and smiled at the scene before her. Lena was bare-footed with dark blue boxers and Kara's Supergirl t-shirt, her hair tousled over her shoulder. Lena turned around and smiled at Kara, taking away the blonde's breath away._

_It was a lovely sight._

* * *

Erik was glad to take Kara out of the house, she could tell from the way he perked up and grabbed her hand leading her as fast and far away from the house as he could. They would go in Lena's room another time. Kara sighed her heart still feeling a little heavy at almost having to fully accept that Lena was gone. She still had a little more time.

Erik pointed out where places were and what they usually did there. At the Diner, Lena and Erik would only go on his birthday, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, her birthday, and when he had good grades. Erik always got Shepherd's Pie and Lena would get the lamb chops on those special occasions. He showed her the hills where they rolled down them and ran up them. There was a soccer field where the kids played and he was the goalie, Lena watched him play every Saturday. On windy days they flew kites and hot sunny days they went swimming in the lakes.

Everywhere Erik took her, Kara could vividly imagine Lena doing. She could see Lena laughing and rolling down the hills with her son and they would lay there to catch their breaths before they raced each other back up the hills. She could see Lena on the sideline watching as her son jumped in mid-air to catch the ball. The whole town held the ghost of Lena and was a little overwhelming. Erik led Kara back to Tanaya's house. On the way back he told Kara that almost every day he and Lena would get ice cream before giving her puppy look that once again struck Kara as a little too familiar. She relents with a smile and they enter the ice cream shop there was a woman with gray hair and brown eyes, and a few residents eating ice cream.

"Hello, Erik!" The woman behind counter exclaimed.

"Hello, Ms. Julia! How are you?"

"I'm doing great. Now, who is this?"

"This is Kara Danvers, she came from America for Mom's funeral." He answered with ease.

Ms. Julia nod once and turned her attention fully on Kara causing the younger girl to shifted slightly. Ms. Julia nodded once and shifted her attention back to Erik, her cold expression gone and replaced with a cheer one. Kara frowned at this and wonder what she did to deserve such hostility. Erik got his regular, a double-scoop of chocolate-vanilla and crushed Oreos and Butterfinger that Kara paid for.

As the two started to leave, Ms. Julia blurted out a name that Erik seemed to recognize. Kara looked at Ms. Julia and Erik in confusion, especially at Ms. Julia's smug look. They walked to Tanaya's house in silence until Kara's curiosity got the best of her.

"Erik, who's Caitlin?"

"Mam's girlfriend," Erik said casually before he continued to devour his ice cream. "Ms. Julia's daughter."

Kara could've fallen right then and there.

They walked the rest of the way in silence and Ms. Julia's hostility suddenly made a whole of sense but at the same time didn't. Lena was dead, what did it matter if she was a love interest from Lena's past. Kara wasn't here to steal her away from Caitlin, that would be beyond ridiculous. Not to mention a little morbid.

They passed Lena's house and Kara slowed down slightly and decided that tomorrow she would go into Lena's room. She had to get it over with.

Erik walked into Tanaya's house without having to knock or unlock the door and Kara followed right in. The moment they walked in the smell of cooked potatoes, carrots, parsley, and lamb waffled through causing Erik's and Kara's stomachs to growl.

"I hope you like Irish stew, Kara." Erik said as he led her to the kitchen.

* * *

" _You know the only thing I remember from my childhood is the cooking." Lena said as she let Kara taste the food._

" _That's delicious, what is it?"_

" _I had to google this but it's called Irish stew, I remembered my mom feeding this to me whenever I was sick."_

* * *

Tanaya had immediately sent Kara and Erik out of the kitchen making them wash up and had them wait in the dining room for her to serve them. While they waited Erik asked Kara a ton of questions that she answered as honestly and unconfusing way as possible. The questions were mostly about America and where she lived and worked and her friends. She asked the same questions in return and they found themselves enjoying the other's company.

"Why do Americans call Football, Soccer?"

Kara shrugged, "I couldn't tell you."

"What do you report "

"The Truth."

"Tell me, Erik, what's your favorite superhero?"

"All of them!"

Kara chuckled. "You can't choose _all_ of them."

"Yes, I can. They all are awesome and kick villains' butts."

"You don't like one more than the other?"

"Hm...maybe Wonder Woman."

"Good choice!"

"Did you know that Mom's favorite superhero was Supergirl."

"I did."

"You know why?"

"Do you?"

"No! That's why I asked you!" Erik giggled.

Kara smiled. "Your _Mam_ liked Supergirl because she's tough and selfless and braver than most superheroes."

"She was braver?"

"Your Mam liked to think so."

"Do _you_ have a favorite superhero?"

"Hm. . . Black Widow from the Avengers."

"Oh yeah, she's so cool! So is Scarlet Witch!"

"I'll have to agree with you."

As the two continued to talk about superheroes, Kara felt more at ease with Erik. At first, she was wary and slightly, if not completely, caught off guard by him. How he looked so familiar and that he was Lena's son and probably the reason why she left. Once she was able to look past that, she saw what a lovable and mischief boy he was. As he showed her around the small town passing residents said hello to him and he returned did sneaky things. While he talked to Jennifer, a college student, he nicked one of her green apples. Jennifer had laughed at this and scolded him from stealing from her _again._

"I'm never going to have apples if he keeps it up," Jennifer told Kara.

Mr. Theodore shook his head at Erik as they entered the store and said that he wouldn't be able to get another free thing from him again, no matter how big his puppy eyes were. The old ladies by the lake asked if Erik had any tricks for them for the day and the little boy shook his head and said maybe tomorrow. The leader, Roza, said that he was the only entertainment they got and it was awfully boring without him, so he did a handstand for them. Kara met with the people of Valleymount and saw what a tight knitted family they were.

But that still didn't explain why Lena would choose this place in particular. There was no way that she would know that firsthand unless Lena knew somebody in this town. Somebody that she wanted to meet.

But who?

"Dinner's ready," Tanaya announced as she places the bowls in front of their face. 


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaya's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Mistakes are mine. A few Irish sentences at the bottom.

**Chapter 6**

_Tanaya was washing the dishes when she heard the knock on the door. She reached for a towel and dried off her hands as she made her way to the front door. She opened the door and threw the towel over her shoulder and looked up and felt her breath being stolen from her._

_It couldn't be._

_The woman in front of her had dark brown hair, startling green eyes, and milk white skin not to mention heavily pregnant. This whole scene was deja vu._

" _Nuala?" Tanaya whispered breathlessly._

_Though it couldn't be, Nuala O'Dwyer has been dead for years._

_The woman shook her head. "No, I'm Lena Luthor, her daughter. Do you know her?"_

_Tanaya blinked because that couldn't be right. Lena would be in America right now with the Luthors not remember anything about Nuala. Lionel would've made sure of it. That bastard._

" _Lena? What are you doing here?" Tanaya asked as she let Lena in._

" _You know who I am?" Lena asked incredulously._

_How could Tanaya possibly forget her lost love's child?_

* * *

The dinner was a success much to Tanaya's relief. This would make things so much easier since Erik and Kara were warming up to each other. Tanaya had stayed quiet and watched as the two talked about everything and nothing. Laughing at what one would say and followed up with something equally as funny.

Lena would've been pleased with this.

A few times Lena would be brought up and there would be a moment of silence, a small reminder of reality and it was at these time that Tanaya would swoop in and change up the conversation before continuing to observed. Their conversation led to food and what was their favorite pizza. Erik didn't think pineapples belong on pizza and Kara didn't think that olives belong on pizza, causing them to have a small argument. They both loved potstickers and Kara promised that Erik would get to try out Eliza's world famous lasagna.

"It can't be world famous if I never heard of it."

"Psh, once you have it you won't be saying that."

Tanaya couldn't help but smile at their interaction. Maybe this will work out the way that Lena wanted it to. After dinner, Erik and Kara helped her clean up and Erik went upstairs to get ready for bed. Kara had started to leave, no doubt heading to the Inn when Tanaya stopped her. There was no way that she was going to let that girl go sleep in an Inn when Lena talked so much about her. She had to get her own opinion about the blue-eyed girl.

With a bit of convincing, Tanaya managed to get the girl to stay in one of her guest room and to coe outside to have a chat with her. As Kara went upstairs to unpack, Tanaya poured two glasses of wine before she headed out back and place them on the small table that had two chairs beside it. Tanaya down and took a sip of her wine as she stare up at the sky. There was a slight breeze in the air that made it cool weather and there was a few fireflies flying lazily and lighting up every two minutes. The crickets were loudly playing their song as the occasional owl could be heard in the distance. It had been a minute since she done this, the time before with Lena.

* * *

" _Your mom died of a broken heart." Tanaya sighed, taking a sip of her wine. "Your father forcibly took you away and said it was your own good. Two days later she overdosed on the very pills that was supposed to keep her heart going. Kept saying over and over again that she couldn't live without you."_

_Days after Nuala had passed away, Tanaya remembered feeling so angry. Wasn't she enough for Nuala? The woman that she had fallen so deeply in love with since they were kids. Hadn't her constant role of being that person that Nuala could trust and believe, that pathetic friend that couldn't move on. Couldn't accept that her best friend, her crush was as straight at they could get and fell in love with a man that would later take her will to live._

_She was there when Lionel took Lena. She could remember Nuala screaming and crying and even begging Lionel not to take her little girl away from her. It was such a sight to see her headstrong and independent friend such a wreck. How desperate she gotten once she realized there was a possibility that Lena could be taken from her. Tanaya had remembered how Lionel used Nuala's heart pills against her, accused her of being a drug addict._

_And Nuala wasn't, she wasn't addicted to her pills. She never took more than she was supposed, never took them to get high, she only took them when her heart hurt which was occasionally, irregular. It made Tanaya angry and sick at how quick Lionel had turned on Nuala. How he once used to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and made her feel wanted and how he told her repeated how much he loved her. Then the moment Nuala gave birth to Lena he began withdrawal little by little and Nuala always excused it as him being in bad mood._

" _His wife is a terrible woman," Nuala said waving her hand dismissively._

_Lena cleared her throat and Tanaya snapped out of her daze and turned to Nuala's doppleganger._

" _Were you her friend?"_

_Tanaya wanted to laugh. Of course, she was Nuala's friend. She was her best friend, they did everything together, they told each other everything, and they had been a little more but Nuala had stopped it before it got too serious. The experimental kisses, touches, groping. The falsehood of Nuala hissing in the heat of the moment how much she loved Tanaya. How once it was all over and done, Nuala realized the horror of her actions._

" _How can you stand the sight of me? How can you still possibly be friends with me? I used you!" Nuala had cried out._

_They were seventeen at the time, Tanaya had been able to convince Nuala that it was okay, that they both didn't know anybody. Even though Tanaya's heart was breaking in a million pieces, that it hurted her to know that Nuala would never have the same feelings for her, she couldn't let Nuala have that guilt._

" _Yes, we were friends."_

* * *

"I'm sorry that I took so long." Kara said, as she took a seat.

"That's fine, dear. I was too busy with my thoughts anyway." Tanaya sighed.

"What did you want to talk about?" Kara asked.

"About you and Lena. As a couple and as individuals."

"Oh."

"Did you know that Lena was pregnant with Erik."

"No."

* * *

" _I-I was drunk and I know that doesn't excuses anything but it's the truth." Lena said._

" _You drunk because of what?"_

" _To be honest I couldn't even tell you," Lena said laughing drily. "But I did and he was there and I remember thinking why not?"_

" _Such a dangerous thought."_

* * *

"She loved you."

"I know."

* * *

" _Kara was my joy, my happiness. I loved her. She was always there to brighten up my day when I needed it, that comfort, that shoulder I can lean on. And I turned around and cheated on her. What kind of person am I?"_

" _A flawed one."_

* * *

"What I don't understand is why she didn't tell me."

* * *

" _I feared that she would hate me forever."_

" _Shouldn't she have been given the choice?"_

" _Yes, and I'm a coward for not telling her."_

* * *

"She feared your reaction."

"We could've talked it out."

* * *

" _I think that if she knew who it was, she wouldn't be too reasonable."_

" _How do you know?"_

" _We both despise him."_

* * *

"Did you know that Lena had heart disease?"

* * *

" _I didn't want her to worry about me."_

* * *

"No, I didn't."

* * *

" _You never gave this girl a chance."_

" _I know."_

* * *

"That's what the pills were for weren't they?"

* * *

" _We had an argument about them. I started to take the more than I should have, I think I got addicted. Kara saw that and wanted me to stop."_

" _Are you addicted now?"_

" _No, I stop for him."_

* * *

"I'm starting to think I knew nothing about Lena."

* * *

" _I'm starting to think I never really trust Kara."_

* * *

The conversation of the present and the past blended together so effortless as if they were both sitting with her, telling her their most deepest thoughts. Both girls were so broken and so lost without the other. Tanaya still firmly believed that Lena should have never left, that she should have at least talked to Kara once the last past five years. There was too many unspoken words, too many questions, too many force conclusions, too many what ifs. If only Lena had stop being so stubborn, so scared, then maybe just maybe this story would be told differently. But Lena didn't and now there was so many missing pieces for Kara, that the poor girl had to find them herself.

"Kara Danvers, there's some things I want to tell you, and I want you to listen good."

"Okay."

Tanaya took a deep breath and another sip of wine. Here it goes.

"Lena had a heart disease called Coronary Artery Disease, and she inherited from her mother and so forth. The pills that you're talking about helped ease the pain somewhat but she did get addicted to them, she told me this. That were some days that she took the just to take them and there was nothing wrong with her heart." Tanaya said sighing. "The good news on that is she stopped unnecessarily taking them after she got pregnant. The unfortunate news is that Erik too has inherited the disease."

Kara took off her glasses and cleaned them before putting them back on, she took a sip of her wine the first time before turning her full attention on Tanaya. The older woman could see that this was important to the young girl, the few hours that Kara had spent with Erik have created a bond. Tanaya was sure of it.

"Why are you telling me this?"

* * *

" _Lena how can you be doing this? Without that girl's permission?" Tanaya demanded as Lena signed the papers._

" _Hush, Tanaya," Lena said impatiently._

" _Hush?" Tanaya said. "Tá tú i mo theach, ag insint dom a hush?"_

_Lena sighed and rubbed her brow. "Tá an ceart agat, Tá brón orm."_

" _Ghlaonn tú go bhfuil cailín agus a insint di!"_

" _No."_

" _What do you mean no?"_

" _Exactly what I mean."_

" _You can't do this Lena."_

" _I just did." Lena said defiantly waving the papers in Tanaya's face._

* * *

Kara looked at Tanaya in shock. "She gave me custody of Erik?!"


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short chapter, I might have another up before the end of the day or one tomorrow.

**Chapter 7**

_ Lena shifted uncomfortably, a frown on her face as she tried to discreetly rub her chest. Kara noticed anyways and lifted her head from Lena’s lap. _

_ “Are you okay?” Kara asked taking Lena’s hand. _

_ “Fine,” Lena said with a tight smile. “I’ll be back.” _

_ Kara moved over slightly and allowed Lena to head to their bedroom. She frowned as she paused the TV show and followed after her. Lena had gone to their bathroom and went into the medicine cabinet and reached for the pills that she kept with her at all times, before filling the glass, that she always kept by the sink, with water. The brunette muttered something in Gaelic before she popped some pills and took a drink of water. Lena then gripped the sides of the sink and took a deep breath. Kara leans against the door entrance and cleared her throat causing Lena to look up and at her through the reflection in the mirror. _

_ “Are you sure that you’re fine?” Kara asked. _

_ Lena turned around and forced a smile. “Never better.” _

* * *

Why in the world would Lena do that? Why would she give her custody of a boy that she didn’t know existed until a few hours before? She couldn’t trust her with the secret that she had been keeping her entire life but trusted her to take care of another human being? A small human being at that. She looked at Tanaya in disbelief and the older woman’s expression was very serious.

“Why?”

Tanaya shrugged. “She wouldn’t tell me but she did want me to personally give this to you.”

Kara watched as the older woman got up and walk back in the house, a few minutes passed before Tanaya returned, only beckoning Kara to follow her. The blond woman took a deep breath and got up following after her. Tanaya led Kara to her bedroom and told her to wait for her at the entrance. There were too many thoughts rushing through Kara’s mind to just pick one expect for only one: Why?

“Kara?”

Kara looked up and pushed up her glasses before she started to wring her hands together. Tanaya had in her hand a rectangular box that had the initials of Lena on the top written in cursive. She handed her and it wasn’t as light as it looked. Kara glanced up at Tanaya as she pulled off the top.

It was filled with letters.

Kara grabbed the first one on the pile and opened it.

_ June 27th, 2012 _

Three days after Lena left Kara’s life forever. Greedy for more, Kara looking through the stacks and quickly realized that this was five years worth of letters, that Lena had every intention of reaching out to Kara but she didn’t for whatever reason that had to be in one of these letters.

“Kara?”

Kara looked up at Tanaya and knew there was more to it.

“Yes?”

“One of Lena’s last wishes was that you read the letters when you get home.”

So, she’ll wait five days to read the letters, that seemed doable.

“She also wanted you to let Erik see Lex and his father.”

“Do you-”

“It’s in that letter.”

And suddenly five days were way too long.

 


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been awhile hasn't it? I'm sorry about that, it's just that this story really requires me to write this on an emotional level. I spend my time thinking back on how I acted when I lost my grandma, great grandma, cousin, and great aunts over the span of seven years and that is just emotionally exhausting so I have to take little breaks in between. Today is my grandma's birthday, so it was kind of easy to tap into the emotional department because even after seven years her death still hurts. 
> 
> So I was able to write this chapter very quickly. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.

**Chapter 8**

_ Lena lifted her head from resting on Kara’s chest and placed her chin there instead. Kara turned her attention from the TV and looked down at her girlfriend with a smile. They were cuddling on the couch watching a Netflix Original, Lena’s hair was down and over one shoulder, and there was a glint in her eyes that caused Kara’s smile to widen. _

_ “Kara?” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Can you say it again?” _

_ “Again?” Kara said playfully annoyed. _

_ “Yes, again. It can never getting tiring.” _

_ “I would hope so.” _

_ Lena  rolled her eyes. “Kara.” _

_ “I love you, Lena Luthor.” _

_ “And I love you, Kara Danvers.” _

* * *

 

Before Kara went to bed, she asked Tanaya if she could keep the letters in her room so she wouldn’t be tempted. The fact that Erik’s father’s name was in one of those letters, made it hard for her not to read through them before she got home. When Kara fell asleep, she once again dreams of Lena and it hurts to wake up knowing that she will never see her again. Kara lays there for a moment before she forces herself out of bed and heads down the stairs.

The smell of breakfast hit her nose and made her stomach growl. She heard the low chatter of Erik and Tanaya and Kara couldn’t help but wonder if this was how it was like when Lena was alive. Did Tanaya come by in the mornings and fix the Luthors breakfast? Were there times where they would sleepover one's house and enjoy each other's’ company as the sun rose. During these times did Lena ask Tanaya about her mother’s past? So many questions and scenarios that filled up in Kara’s mind but she knew that she wouldn’t ask because they seemed too personal.

“Kara, you’re awake!” Erik exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and running towards her.

“Hey, buddy.” Kara yawned accepting the hug that Erik gave her.

“We’re having eggs and bacon and, if you, want oatmeal.” Erik told her as he led her to the table.

“Sounds like a plan.” Kara said with a smile.

The trio ate breakfast and Tanaya informed Kara that she would be taking Erik to school.

“No, let me do it.” Kara said. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Ooo! Can she  _ aintín _ ?” Erik asked.

Tanaya hesitates for second before she nods her head causing the little boy to cheer. Kara smile softly, it only made sense to take him since she will be in the future. Once they finish breakfast, they all aheaded to their rooms to get ready for the day. As Erik and Kara headed out the door, Tanaya informed Kara where she would be if she ever needed anything.

“Okay, thank you, Tanaya.” Kara told her.

Erik was talkative all the way of to the school. He told her of his friends and of Samantha Walkers, a little girl that Lena could not stand and Kara could see why. Samantha Walkers sounded like the type of girl that was sweet and nice in front of adults but was honestly a bully of sorts. She have gotten Erik into tons of trouble by having him say things that were highly inappropriate for a five year old. She have gotten Erik to go to places, he wasn’t allowed to go to and always blamed Erik in the process.

“But it’s always fun!” Erik said, defending the little girl. “Samantha would never in-um-int-t-”

“Intentionally?” Kara supplied.

“Yeah!” Erik exclaimed. “She would never do that and have us get hurt.”

“You have to be careful around people like her.”

“Why?”

Kara hummed thinking. This would be her first time giving advice to a child and she didn’t want to mess that up. She wanted the advice to be as clear as day and not to confuse Erik in anyway.

“Because, people like her may not seemed to have the intentions of hurting you but do because they like seeing you get in trouble. Has Samantha ever told the adults that she planned these things?”

Erik shook his head.

“Have she stuck up for you when you got into trouble?”

“No.” Erik said. “Okay, I see what you mean. Mam said to be careful around Samantha, and I am! If it’s anything too dangerous, I just run home.”

Kara smiled.”Good idea.”

Erik beamed and they walked the rest of the way to the school in silence. Once they reached the school, Erik led Kara to his class and introduced her to his teacher, Mr. Taylors. He was a handsome man that appeared to be in his early thirties. Mr. Taylors expressed his excitement of seeing Erik which Erik returned enthusiastically.

“Mr. Taylors! This is Kara Danvers, she’s staying for Mom's funeral.” Erik informed.

“Really? Well, hello Ms. Danvers, it’s nice to meet you.” Mr. Taylors said offering his hand.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Taylors. I’ll be taking Erik to school these next couple of days.” Kara said.

“Great to hear, so I will be seeing you after school?”

“I suppose so.” Kara said with a smile.

“Bye Kara!” Erik said, before he turned to his friends.

“Bye Erik.”

* * *

 

Kara hesitated at Tanaya’s house door before she turned to Lena’s house. Her heart beats painfully at the thought of going to Lena’s bedroom and seeing what was inside. Would there be any memories of the two of them? Of Lena’s life in National City and Metropolis? Or was it just her life in the last five years?

She took a deep breathe and head over there. It was a What If that she could answer.

Opening the door cautiously, she was hit with the scent of Lena and nostalgia. She remembers coming home countlessly to find Lena cooking, or on the couch reading, or laying on the bed doing work on the computer. Where she would sit on the couch waiting for Lena as she watched and would suddenly engulfed by a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The smell always lingered in the room reminding Kara that she wasn’t too far.

But Lena was dead.

Oh so very cruel and a bitter reminder as she headed to Lena’s bedroom. It still held that air of finality but it was time to get pass the process of denial. No matter how painful it was. Kara slowly grabbed the doorknob, took a deep breathe, twisted it and pushed it open. If Lena’s scent lingered around the house, it was particularly strong in her room. Kara felt the instant tears and quickly closed to door, so that she could keep the smell in. She flick on the lights and looked around.

The room was neat as if she just cleaned it up. Not a shoe, shirt, pair of pants, or underwear on the floor or on the bed a replicate of how their bedroom used to be except it had less things in this room. Kara’s things were absent from the equation and it hurt Kara’s heart more than it did days after Lena left their apartment all those years ago. Her breath came shakily as she walked further into the room and looked around. The walls were painted a light blue and voided of any pictures and paintings. On the other side of the room was a queen-sized bed that had a black cover on it with several pillows.

_ "Did you know that if you have more than two pillows that means that you're lonely?” Kara said. _

_ “Well, that’s blatantly not true. How could I be lonely if I have you?” _

Kara wonders now if Lena ever felt lonely these past five years.

Lena had two nightstands on either side of the bed and they were white with a couple of pictures on both of them. Kara took a step forward, paused, took a deep breath, and continued to walk over towards the bed. She started on the left and picked up the first one that she could reach. Her breath caught as she stared at the picture of her and Lena. Tears welled up in her eyes as she recalled that memory.

* * *

 

_ Lena squealed as Kara grabbed her around the waist from behind and pulled her close. She had threw back her head laughing as Kara beamed at her and pulled her closer. Time seemed to stand still as Lena looked down and gave Kara such a loving smile that she had returned. _

_ Unbeknownst to them, Eliza had snapped a picture of this moment. _

_ “You caught me,” Lena whispered. _

_ “I did,” Kara whispered back. _

_ Lena leaned down as Kara tilt her head up and their lips met with a soft kiss. Another picture was taken. _

_ “Say ‘Cheese’!” Eliza had yelled. _

_ Lena her head to the camera, as Kara did, and gave her biggest smile. Teeth, dimples, and all. _

* * *

 

“This is where you went?” Kara whispered, touching the frame.

Tears fell and splattered onto the glass. Her legs felt weak and before she could catch herself, she collapsed on the floor and began sobbing. With her free hand, she whipped away her tears and covered her mouth in attempt to stop her tears. She looked down at the picture and tried to control her breathing. The light had hit them just right, it looked as if they were engulfed in light. They looked so happy, content, as if nothing could get in their way.

Kara remembered panicking when she couldn’t find this picture, and how sad she was when she couldn’t find it. Of course, Lena had taken this with her. It was her favorite picture, it was always something that Lena would bring up random times with a smile on her face.

* * *

_ “Eliza is a phenomenal photographer.” _

_ “Going on about that picture again?” Kara said with a smile. _

_ “How can I not? Look how beautiful it is!” _

_ “Not as beautiful as you.” _

_ “Pretty close.” _

_ Kara laughed. _

* * *

Kara smiled weakly at the memory before she forced herself to get up and place the picture back on the nightstand. She picked up the one beside it and chuckled at it. It was a picture of Lena and Lex sitting at a table, both covered in cake. Lena was caught in mid-laugh and Lex was in mid shaking his head with a small smile. This had to be one of the many pictures that Lena kept out of Kara’s reach, so that she wouldn’t laugh. Kara wondered what was the story behind this picture before she set it back where it was. The next picture was Maggie and Lena, they were younger, maybe 15 or 14 years old. They had their arms thrown on each other’s shoulder and they were grinning holding two medals.

The only sport that Lena ever played was tennis and Maggie had been her partener for years. They had won multiple tournaments and were the closests friends before Maggie and her family moved. Kara smiled at the memory when Alex and her had introduced Maggie and Lena on their first double date.

* * *

_ Alex and Maggie was running a little late and Kara was waiting impatiently as Lena looking through her phone and rubbing Kara’s in a soothing matter. It wasn’t that Kara was upset that they were late, it was more like she was anxious about the meeting. Would the night go smoothly or would it be the worse night in history. _

_ “It’ll be fine, Kara, relax,” Lena said, as she turned her attention to Kara. “What’s the worse that can happen?” _

_ Kara gave Lena a look and she laughed. _

_ “I thought that you were the optimist?” _

_ Kara rolled her eyes with a smile. “I can get nervous too.” _

_ Lena opened her mouth to say something funny but was interrupted when Kara noticed Alex out the corner of her eye. _

_ “They’re here!” Kara staged whispered. _

_ Lena looked up and said teasingly: “It seems so try not to have a heart attack.” _

Kara winced now at the joke.

_ “Sorry we’re late, traffic.” Alex said. _

_ “You’re fine.” Lena said. “So where is the girl?” _

_ “Here, I’m -” _

_ Lena’s eyes widen in shock and a slow smile appeared. “Maggie!?” _

_ The Danvers sisters looked confused as Maggie’s eyes lit with recognition too. _

_ “Lee?!” _

_ “D-do you guys know each other?” Alex asked. _

_ “Of course, I know Maggie Sawyer! My childhood friend that decided to up and leave me!” Lena said, rising out of her seat to hug Maggie. _

_ “I definitely had no choice.” Maggie said with a laugh, hugging her back. “I do remember Lena Luthor, the one person more competitive than me.” _

_ “Well, we did win all those gold medals didn’t we?” _

_ Alex raised her eyebrows and turned to Kara, who was just as lost as she was. _

_ “Well, I guess you had nothing to worry about.” _

* * *

Kara placed the picture back before it hit her that Maggie probably didn’t know that Lena had died. She sucked in breath as she ran a hand through her hair and wondered if Alex took the courtesy to tell her. She reached for her phone and dialed Alex’s number as she walked over to the other nightstand. Alex answered after the second ring.

_ “What’s up, Kara?” _

“Too many things.” Kara murmured as she stared at the picture.

The picture was a woman with dark brown hair, holding a child in a hospital bed. She wasn’t looking at the camera but instead at the baby and she wore a content smile at the crying baby. At the corner of the picture it said ‘Nuala and Lena’. Kara could see the resemblance between the two, Lena gotten her strong jawline, cheeks, and nose from Nuala.

“ _ What things?” _

“The reason why Lena left was because she was pregnant.”

The was a moment silence and Kara moved on to the next picture. It was the same setting but with Lena and Erik, and Lena was staring at the camera tiredly.

_ “WHAT?!” _

Kara almost dropped the picture at Alex’s sudden outburst.

“Yeah, his name is Erik and he’s five years old.”

_ “His father?!” _

“Oh that’s the other thing, Lena has five years worth of letters and Erik’s father’s name  _ is  _ in there but she doesn’t want me to read it until I get back home.”

_ “Are you going to respect her wishes?” _

“Yes, I am which leads me to my next thing.”

_ “What is it?”  _ Alex asked warily.

“She gave me custody of Erik.”

_ "SHE DID WHAT?!”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dudes and dudettes, drop a hello on my tumblr: anastasia-the-goddess-of-drama.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on the verge of tears writing this!? So enjoy and suffer :D.

**Chapter 9**

_“Did you steal my shirt?” Kara asked incredulously._

_Lena glanced down at Kara’s Power to The Girls shirt that she was wearing before she looked back at Kara’s face. She raised an eyebrow and gave her a look._

_“Um, no?”_

_“Really Lena?” Kara said with her arms folded._

_“I borrowed it, okay?!”_  

* * *

_“Why would she do that?”_

“I don’t know Alex, but I’m going to accept the custody.”

_“You’re doing what?! Kara, you can’t!”_

“Why not? I’ve watched over Xavier for you a couple of time.”

 _"That’s different, Kara.”_ Alex said, exasperatedly. _“You were able to give him back, eventually. If you accept custody of Erik, it’s a twenty four/seven thing. You can’t give him back.”_

“I know that!”

_“How will you handle it? It’ll just be you taking care of him.”_

“Once I find out who the father is, maybe he could help?”

_“And what if we don’t know the father personally? Or if he’s a jerk and wouldn’t want to be in Erik’s life?”_

“Well, there’s Lex. . .”

_“Who hates your guts.”_

“But this is his nephew, and he wouldn’t turn his back on family. Luthors value that. It’s last thing left of Lena. I wonder if he knows.”

_“I guess we’ll find out.”_

“One more thing.”

_“What is it?”_

“Does Maggie know that Lena has passed away?”

 _“No, I was just on my way to tell her personally.”_ Alex sighed.

Kara hummed slightly and looked around Lena’s room before she headed to the closet and opened it. On the top shelf were boxes that interested Kara and she adjusted the phone accordingly before she reached up for one of the boxes and place it on Lena’s bed. She opened it and she sucked in her breathe.

 _“What?”_ Alex asked.

“I’m just looking through Lena’s stuff, I’ll call you back,” Kara said as she reached in.

_“Alright, bye.”_

Kara said nothing as she hung up and she picked up what had that firmly caught her attention. Folded on top everything else was Kara’s college hoodie that Lena always worn when Kara had to travel for her work. It was a little worn and it distinctly smelled like the perfume that Kara wears, which she marvelled at since it’s been five years. She pulled the hoodie close to her and closed her eyes as she inhaled Lena’s lingering scent.

* * *

_Kara reached for her keys as she yawned. She had stayed in Leesburg, South Carolina a little longer than she should have but there had been some loose ends that she had to tie up before she could come back to National City. At least it was still in the country this time._

_She pushed opened the door and stepped into her apartment and was met with silence. Kara wasn’t too bother with it since it was almost 1 o’clock in the morning, and she would call Lena first thing in the morning. She picked up her suitcase from the floor and closed the door and headed to her bedroom. On the way there, she noticed something from the corner of her eye and she turned to see Lena sleeping on the couch._

_Kara smiled softly as she set down her suitcase and walked over to her girlfriend. Lena had her head propped up with her right hand and her left hand laid on her stomach. Her hair covered her sleeping face, that looked so peacefully and Kara had to resist the urge to kiss her lips. Kara’s eyes looked down and her smile widen. Lena was wearing Kara’s hoodie from college, that was a tad bit big on her. It was navy blue and stopped at Lena’s bare mid-thigh._

_Kara sighed lovingly as she carefully pushed Lena’s hair out of her face before she started to pick her up. Lena stirred as Kara shifted her into a comfortable bridal style and she yawned as she slowly opened her eyes and gave Kara a sleepy smile._

_“Hi,” she said quietly._

_“Hey,” Kara said._

_“I hope it’s okay that stayed here and waited for you,” Lena said as she snugged into Kara._

_“That’s fine, I gave you the keys to my apartment for a reason.”_

_Lena smiled at her as she closed her eyes. “Hmmm, what time is it.”_

_“1 something.”_

_“In the morning?”_

_“Yup.”_

_“God, how are you still standing?” Lena asked._

 " _Just barely.” Kara answered as she headed to the bedroom._

  _Very carefully Kara placed Lena into bed before she headed over to her drawers to get on some pajamas. Once she was dressed for bed, she turned around and crawled into bed and pulling Lena into an embrace. Lena sighed and rested her head against Kara’s shoulder._

" _You’re wearing my hoodie,” Kara murmured._

 " _I always wear it when you’re away.” Lena answered._

* * *

 

 Kara wasn’t really surprised to find that her cheeks were wet as she snapped out of the memory and she went to wipe away her tears. She took a deep breathe and folded the hoodie and place it beside her and pulled the box onto her lap. Inside were clippings of Kara’s articles that she had written over the years. Her heart clenched painfully as she thumbed through them, each in their own sheet protector. Lena didn’t miss an article and Kara could feel her eyes watering again. Her hands started to shake as she saw what was behind all her articles.

* * *

 

_Lena I’ve missed you,_

_It was weird coming home today and you weren’t there to greet me. I had to remind myself that you were gone after my first instinct was to wait on you, and that realization kind of hit me. That you probably aren’t coming back and I need to accept that. But I don’t want to and it’s been a couple of weeks, so I have hope._

_How are you? What are you doing? Are you still working for your brother? Have you been watching the latest episodes of Scandal and Veep because I haven't been able to, Snapper as been on my case these last couple of days. Once I finished with one article, he's immediately sending me to do another but that's what I asked for didn't I? Game night was a bit boring without you, I had to make do with Mike, who for some reason or another decided not to bring a date so the pairs were even out, weird I know. He partnered up with me which was such a bummer, I would rather team up with James or Winn before I ever consider Mike but you know stuff happens. Naturally we last because Mike is the worse partner ever and doesn't know what team means._

_Anyway, I was cleaning up the other day (unheard of I know) and I can't seem to fine that picture of us. You know the one that you love so much, I would hate to think that I misplaced it or something, maybe you have it? If so, I wouldn't be all that surprise since you do absolutely adore it. Since I'm on the topic of objects did you know that you left your teddy bear here? You can come get it if you want, I know that you hate sleeping without it when I'm not there. I can leave it on the counter or something because you still have my key, so you can come in and get it whenever you can. You don't have to tell me. It's fine and I know you need space, so I'm going to give it to you._

_Do know that I'm here for you Lena. Remember that night years ago? When Jack Spheer had died in that car accident? I told you that I would always be there for you and that was a promise that I would keep until my last dying breathe. You've been through a lot these last past five years and I admire your strength. But Lena, you don't always have to do everything on your own, it doesn't hurt to let somebody help you every once and awhile._

_Well, that's all I have to say for now. I'll write you and week or two from now, keep you updated on a couple things._

_Yours Always, Kara_

* * *

 

_Lena did I do something wrong?,_

_Because it feels like I did. It’s been a month now and I haven’t gotten a response or anything. I’ve even went to Metropolis and to LuthorCorp, to ask Lex if he’s seen you. So you know how that went and I actually behaved myself this time. He claimed that he doesn’t know where you are and that if you vanished from my life then good for you because you finally see that you can do so much better than me. Though how would he know? He never gave me a chance to begin with._

_I think that he does know that you’re at and wouldn’t tell me because you ask him not to. So it just leads me to believe that you left because of me. Lena whatever it was that I did, I can fix it. We can talk about, go counsel or whatever you want us to do. I don’t think we should end things that we did. I mean even after all the talking and the counseling and you still don’t want to get back together, I’ll understand and let it go accordingly. But I hate just laying down at night, thinking, wondering about all the possibilities of why you left._

  _Hopefully, I’ll get an answer so._

  _Love Kara_

* * *

 

_Lena please,_

_I don’t know what happened and I think that you know that. I can’t fix or help you with anything if you don’t tell me what the problem is. I’ve always been terribly impatient and I know you need your space but I need to know why. I deserve that much, right? Or maybe I don’t, I’m not sure what to make of all this. Hopefully, maybe, you’ll response and we can work through this._

_Yours, Kara_

* * *

 

_Lee,_

_I just want you to know that I love you and whatever has happened, we can overcome this. It shouldn’t have ended like this and I’m trying to be understanding, I’m really am. But I can’t because I wouldn’t have just stormed out like that and even if I did, I would’ve came back and talked it out. You didn’t come back though, I waited for hours by the door then on the couch and then in bed. I was hoping that you would come back because I love you and I know that you love me. Or I thought you did. I'm not sure since it’s been months since you walked out of my life._

_It hurts, you know? It feels like you ripped a hole where my heart is supposed to be and I’m always crying myself to sleep. I’m an absolute mess and I can’t figure out why you left. Or if it had anything to do with me at all. All I know is that I’m trying my hardest to get over you but I can’t. Everything reminds me of you and it hurts so much. I hate coming into the apartment now, (i mean, i’ve been hate coming to the apartment since the first letter but I really hate it now) it’s so empty and quiet. I miss coming in and seeing you on the couch doing work as you had a glass of wine on the coffee table and you in your glasses. Or when you’re in the kitchen cooking dinner._

_The bed feels bigger too and colder without you and there’s times where I can’t sleep at all. Could you at least tell me that you’re alright? That you’re being taking care of? Though knowing you, you don’t need anybody taking care of you. You’re Lena Luthor, you know how to handle things. I don’t know what else to do and I really don’t want to give up on you. I really want this to work out. It can’t be as bad as you’re making it Lee._

_Lee._

_I-I don’t know anymore._

_Just please write me back or call me back or email me, anything please._

_Kara_

And after those three letters, there were the other five and Kara wasn’t sure about what emotions she should be feeling. She wanted to be happy and relieved that Lena had gotten her letters and had read them and even put them up where she could read them again but at the same time she wanted to get angry. If Lena had her letters why didn’t she write back? Why didn’t she give Kara the closure that she needed?

Kara swallowed hard and place the letters back into the box then the articles and lastly the hoodie. She then pushed it away from her body and closed her eyes, taking deep breathes. It was far too late to get angry about all of this even though it was in her every right to be. There still was a lot of boxes that Kara had to go through, the clothes, jewelry, and possibly even mugs and such. She grabbed the box again and took it to the front door and place it there before heading back to Lena’s room.

 


End file.
